Posted 2 years ago
njones8 said,
Hey I didn't know where to put this but I'm in desperate need of advice. I'd really appreciate it if anyone could help.
So I've been with my girlfriend for little over a year now and things were going great until January this year. One of my best mates had told my gf that she was in love with me and my gf blamed me for this. I was devastated when she said she wanted to go on a break but I dealt with it. I found it really hard but after a few days she called up saying she's ready to go 'off' the break. Since then things have been weird. She tries to push me away by doing silly things and making stupid comments.
But last week she told me that she doesn't think that we're good together and that we'll never last. She told me this in my face ( valentines day if i may add) and i was heartbroken. We were away for the weekend and I felt trap. I spent the next few days at her house and things just seemed to get worse. She spent her time talking to random girls on facebook while I was lay in bed. When I asked who and what she was talking about she closed the convo and turned the laptop screen away.
Anyways last night I didn't get my usual phone call, so went to leave her a message on facebook. But I couldn't see her wall, Nothing for that matter..she'd blocked me! And blocked my close mates. So i did the stupid thing of going on her facebook to see what she was hiding. I know this was wrong but I couldn't help myself. I found 5 open convos of her flirting with girls. Saying things like 'damn why do all the pretty girls have girlfriends ;)' and 'Your gf is so lucky, wish I had you'. I was shocked, ok flirting isnt cheating but doing it while I was there and blocking me??
I talked to her about it and told her how much it hurtme. But it all got turned around on me like I was the bad guy. Yeah I admit I was in the wrong for going on it I shouldn't have. But she told me that she was glad I got hurt and that I deserve it for snooping around. I didn't even get an apology. She said that flirting isn't cheating in her books neither is kissing so she can flirt and kiss whoever she likes?! But what about what I think? Don't my feelings matter?
I don't have the guts to stand up to her because I love her to much and I'm terrified of losing her. She shouted at me for over an hour on the phone and I the only words I could mutter were I'm sorry. I don't want to push her away.
What do you guys think? Am I stupid? Am i the one really in the wrong and is what she was doing was harmless? Any advice of what I should say?
Sorry for the long post and bad English (not my first language). ANy advie will be greatly appreciated.
njones8,
I'm no expert but here is my opinion. It seem's to me that she was looking for an excuse to break up with you. Just because one of your other friend's said that they loved you doesn't give her the right to treat you like this. If you never encourage this other friend that said she is in love with you then you did nothing wrong. Your gf is mentally abusing you. Girl that is no different then being physcially abused. She wanted to take a break from you then came back but is treating you like crap. She doesn't want to be the one that breaks things off with you. She wants you to be the bad guy here instead of her. If you are commented to someone and they are kissing someone else then yes it's cheating. She is being really cruel to you.
I know that you love her and don't want to lose her but you deserve better then this. If she really loved you she couldn't do these thing's to you. She probably knows that you are afraid of losing her so she feels she can treat you anyway that she wants and you will take it.
Believe me I know how it feel's to love someone so much that it hurts. And yes it hurts when you don't have that person in your life anymore. You think that you can't go on a day without them and you will never find anybody else that you will love as much as her. But you have to put in your mind that this is what is best for you. I deserve better then this. Yes it's going to be a daily struggle and you will want to give in and call her or write her but the longer that you don't the stronger you will get and each day will become easier for you. I know now you don't believe this but it is true I know I have been there.
You seem like a nice person and you didn't do anything wrong. Well maybe you shouldn't of went on her facebook page but that's hardly nothing compare to what she has done to you. But I don't think that things will ever be the same for you two anymore. There will always be doubt's. Once the trust is gone it's rare that you can get it back. It's your life and you have to live it the way that you think is best but believe me there is someone out there for you that will treat you like you should be treated. It does get better day by day. NO ONE should have to go through all that abuse you deserve better.
I hope this helped you a little.
Chicka